phew.... finally....

since 12pm i was at sch drafting my statement of intent... bloody hell.. i dun even know what statement of intent is... took me a few hours to start writing the head.
= =" then the body is hard, no content... wa... i'm really want to die... then no lecturer was online.. not on msn nor fb.. when i need them most, they r not there... nice.... luckily i got friend from US r online... luckily he is willing to proofread for me and help me with my sentence structure... now i realised that, networking is good!!! seriously, i need to improve my english.. no matter what cost, i must improve it before uni start.. otherwise i will b suffering again in uni... after struggling for 4.5 hours, my statement of intent is done.. then go printing, the paper at AS sch printing shop is like crap sia... frus!!! after i print a few page, i just gave up.. i went back to library n find printer to print.. luckily is better than tat.. rush to buy stamp from Eng sch and rushing to post the docs.. it must reaches NUS by monday... so when i settle everything, is already 6pm... nice... phew....

my body is aching again... seem like i havent recover... while i walking home just now, i felt my back is very pain.. i think i had sat at lib for too long.. same posture for long time, it hurts...  now i'm lying on the floor... hoping the pain go away...

new mission.. learn english from scratch...

i hate this.. really hate this.... Mr Fever please leave me alone.. i still have tons of stuff to settle... please spare me some time..

i'm like spamming panadol activefast since evening... i felt my body is hot like hotpan, i think i had spam half box of panadol.. gosh...

i'm spending whole day to sort my portfolio out and retype my resume.. havent touch my essay summore... desperate... why my english is not good? i'm so stuck now.... tmr must send out the document.. i'm so stressful....

whole day without ur news make me feel so empty.. so hollow inside... cant find my heart... seem like my heart 离家出走 again.. it refuse to come back to me...

i'm falling deeper n deeper... it's too late to let go.... how silly i am...

woke up at this hour, i felt insecure...

once again, i told myself, no matter how much effort you put in, nothing is going to happen. there is no chemistry.. hence, there is no possibility...

i cant say i love when i dun understand what love means anymore. i had given up my hope on love.. what i know and what i do is cherish every single moment now.. no matter good or bad...

the distance between u n me grown wider n wider... i do not know how much longer i can hold on.. i'm trying my best to persuade myself to let go, yet i fell deeper n deeper every time i tried...

i take 1 step closer, u take 1 step backward.
i know u will never fall for me... but why am i still waiting.... too silly of me...

this morning i received a call, wake me up from my sleep.. is an agent... she asked me to give her your number so that she can contact u directly, but then i reject it. is my fault, i'm too careless, din realise the post is posted by agent. before i reject, i stun and look at my fon... may b 15 min? i was thinking should i ask u instead? but i know how terrible is agent's pesting skill.. so i just reject..

n i went to bath... i felt very weak out of sudden.. it takes me too much of strength to lift my hand and dry my hair... i felt so heavy... i do not know why... i packed my stuff n ready to go to sch, but i felt very dizzy... so i lie on my bed and i rest.. when i woke up in the afternoon, i am fine when i am in bed, but when i stood up, i felt dizzy again... it happens too sudden.. i realised i always have this problem when i am extremly stressful.. is like a danger alert that sent from my body to inform me the stress level had touch the maximum limit.. but there is nothing i could do to destress at the moment...

so i thought i was sleeping too much, so i need to go out for a walk or something.. may b for some air... then i go bath again, iron my clothes, planning to go ION.. hopefully can surprise u if i arrived orchard before u off.. but then when i reaches tampines mrt, i am very hungry so i went to have my dinner.. everything seems fine.. so i thought i was too hungry which cause my dizziness. but the truth is not the case.. i walk a bit ard century square and prepared to go take mrt, a while later i was covered in cold sweat and started to have blur vision.. i was terrified... hurry up buy panadol and go home..

bath third time of the day, my body temperature went up n i am shivering in my blanket even i had wear sweater... i'm sorry... i cant keep u accompany tonight.. i am too sick now...

i sense something isn't right, n i asked a very bad question. then the conversation ended...

this morning i was so scared.. i was worried about will u still chat with me.. worried about r v still friends... i was so scared until i could hear my own heartbeat..

then i went to work, i keep checking my twitter so that i could noe u r fine, yet nothing shown up... is like i lost signal of you... tat was terrifying... but i couldn't do anything about it..

i just stop trying... i noe your answer if i ask.. i wun ask.. i'm not ready for another wound in my heart...

when i clock out, i saw your sms on my fon, i was so surprised and overwhelming. like a big rock just removed from my shoulder.. i never thought u will sms me... and you said wanted to surprise me if i work on tat day.. i don't know what word can describe my feeling.. speechless.. i was really glad. but unfortunately, i am off on thurs...

i am so happy to hear from u.. especially when u willing to share your problem with me n ask me for comments.. i am really happy.

when i got home, i realised u actually replied my sms in less than 1 min.. i noe something went wrong.. this is not the normal you.. the last time u did this is when you are bored and down.. i asked a stupid question, n u told me u r hurt.. i am so worry... extremly worry... u wun tell me what's had happen.. but i really want to let u know tat i'll b there.. although i noe u do not need me at all..

how silly i am... i never felt this way before... a single word from u, is able to tumble my world upside down...

i'm awake.. just in case u need me, i'll b here...

my heart beats very fast...i'm very scared... really scared. but there is nothing i could do now... i afraid, this might b the last time u chat with me...

i cant trust myself anymore. i had told myself, not this time. but yet, i fail again. i shouldn't trust my self-control anymore. i shall just drop this intent and let it go... i know no matter how much i do, nothing is gonna happen. but i just couldn't help... i dun wish to see you sad... there is nothing i could do to pull u away from sorrow.. i just couldn't help... i'm just silly...

not everything will go smoothly in the way we wish...

i have to admit this. these few days is nt easy for me.. i would had died if my heart is not strong enough.. it affects my mood and i cant help to worry about you.. it had became a habit of mine to check my twitter and rss feed every 10 mins.. it drove me crazy when i know i cant do anything about it... silly right?

what can i do to make u feel better?...

today was a interesting day.. i spend my days with my buddies at east coast park. after v had our lunch, we decided to play rollerskate at ECP. actually i like to play rollerskate very much, just that i dun have chance to do so... we rent the skate for 3 hours, i thought it will b too much time to play, but then i only skate ard 1 hours.. the other 2 hours is to teach my friend how to skate.. =/ when i skate pass the bump, i fell down and land on my knee with the support of my palm, but the skate move slightly... so the worst part is my elbow is twisted and dislocated.. painful, but i din seek treatment immediately.. tmr morning it would swollen i think... i'm so tired...

2nd Day..

well.. is april fool... hmmm.... i got scam, n a long long day facing computer....

i woke up late, so i din get to go church.. the first thing that came across my mind is,"gosh... the ghost cd not done yet!!" i woke up in terror and continue what i left off last night.. i really dun like chinese OS.. so hard to understand... all my tools not compatible summore... sienz..

so i got scam while i jay-walking to sch. donate $5 to 2 old man who claim they dun have money for lunch. =/ then all the sch gate r closed, i walk all the way to east gate just to get into tp. = =" reason that i appear in sch, coz i need super fast internet to download the stupid ghost cd iso. after tat rush to my aunt's house n start my comp reformat marathon.. T-T i dun like chinese OS. seriously!! damn crapy sia... 4 drivers, drove me mad like to kill ppl... all my tools not working.. even after i backup all the drivers before format. the driver just refuse to get into the system. =( anyway, the hardest part is the ghost. ghosting on win 7 is super hard. troublesome to b exact. haiz... anyway, i spend 4.5hours there reformat the comp and get nagged by my aunt for 4.5hours. seriously... i am mad...

i bought my first gold of my life. birthday present for my mum. i thought i could get a ring or bracelet with $100, at the end, i cant get anything with tat budget. so i up my budget abit, i bought a pairs of ear ring with $150. a very small one.. =/ anyway, i am happy. at least i like it. dunno my mum like it or not la...

when i reaches home, i start stalking~ hehehe... nah.. just add the super cool girl that i saw yesterday on fb. i remember my roommate told me her name, so i just do search n boom. found her. a few minutes later, she accept my friend request. then a few minutes later, i saw her post at my fb home. comments n comments then i fb msg her. she asked me regarding room rental. so... may b i am too helpful dy, i offer my help for the room thingy.. n i was checking for rooms since 3am. so now i am beat.. i need to sleep le...

nite world...

第一天

今天我真的是对自己很残忍。想要把自己的精力全部榨干。。。
现在我真的是身心俱疲。。。好累。。。

早上醒来醉醺醺的的时候，发现睡过头了。。T-T 结果迟到了。。
本来要早早去等你的，可是你还是比我早到了。。
因为没去过budget terminal，所以笨笨的迷路又迷路~
走了半小时的路还是找不到，结果又搭德士。。才发现再直走半小时就到了。。笨死了。。
不知道我的出现是不是造成你的困扰了。。我没见过你妈妈，今天第一次见到~她一定问你很多很多吧~~其实我想带多一会儿的。。但是你既然开口了，我也会识相，乖乖走路。我有在机场呆多一下下，过了半小时我才离开的。心里是很失落，心突然间很累。。

过后就回家修电脑，好久没弄了，有点生疏。花了很多时间才找出问题，然后又匆匆忙忙的赶出门去看我室友的毕业concert。排队啊排队~~真的见识到新加坡人的疯狂。。六点半就一大堆人在排队。。。但是这个等待是值得的。表演真的很好看~~~值回票价~~

看完表演我有一股冲动，我有四个月在居銮，我想学跳舞。看着台上跳舞的人，我觉得很帅很帅~~很羡慕吖~~~
可是我老了。。怕跳跳跳骨头会散掉。。= ="
突然灵光一闪~我也可以学弹吉它。可以叫我爸爸教我^^
总之，我的新目标是，我要在四个月里面学会其中一样。

看完表演完后跟大家一起去吃宵夜，回来继续弄电脑。
弄到现在都还没弄好。。我快疯掉了~~好累啊。。。